Permission To NOT Be Okay

In order to begin this wholehearted journey, I had to give myself permission to not be okay. I know that might sound dumb and unnecessary (and for some it might be) but for me it was vital.

In my job, I hear a lot of people’s stories. It is an incredible privilege to connect deeply with so many people in that way. However, it can breed a spirit of comparison deep in my heart. This comparison, in turn, made it hard for me to believe that I should have any problems at all.

I have 2 wonderful parents that have been married for 36+ years and are still very much in love. I have 4 sisters who I am close to and love very much. I practically grew up in the church in small town America, went to a private christian highschool and graduated college with a nursing degree. To any outsider, my life sounds just about perfect.

And that fact alone, prevented my healing and growth for far too long. When I compared myself to others, it didn’t make any sense at all that I would be anything but okay, even though I knew I wasn’t.

It wasn’t until I read the book, “Heart Made Whole” by Christa Black Gifford that I learned more about trauma and a lot of things started to change.

Trauma is a wound or wounds inside of us that keep us from living in wholeness- they barricade us from growth and keep us from healing and keep us in the past.

There are two types of trauma:

Trauma B: are the big events that happen to us that never should

Trauma A: is the absence of something that you needed (physically, emotionally, etc.)

It is as simple as that. I didn’t have to have these big events in my life for me to not be okay. Because, whether intentionally or not, there were definitely times in my life that I did not receive all that I needed. This includes emotional needs and physical needs.

I had to remember that we live in a broken world and in order for me to understand and know the REAL me- I had to give myself permission to not be okay. I had to finally accept my weakness and the areas that I was hurt. And then after accepting them, I could start to heal from them.

//I will have many more blog posts about the rest of this journey of identifying who I really was and how I began to heal and start living with my whole heart.//

But for today, I want to challenge you- do you relate at all to what I wrote? Are you realizing that you are not totally experiencing life? Are you comparing your story to everyone else and believing the lie that says- you should just be okay? Are you choosing to ignore your pain, thinking that dealing with it will be harder than just living with it weighing you down?

If any of the above are true of you, would you today be quiet before the Lord. Would you talk with Him and ask Him where your places of pain are? And then would you please just give yourself permission to be broken and to not be okay… BUT then don’t sit there- use that as a catalyst to heal, so that you can live the whole beautiful life that God has for you!

To God be the Glory in ALL that we do!

To read the next step in my journey, click here.

5 thoughts on “Permission To NOT Be Okay

  1. Mary, i’m not sure that I understand what you are describing. I grew up in a church too in small town America (East coast version). My parents loved me and each other but the tension between them lived as a guest in our house. Events in my past certainly impacted who I am. Acceptance that bad things happen to all of us was a fact of life I grew up with (my parents survived the Depression, WWII, a house fire, and other life altering events and talked about those things like they were just ordinary parts of life. Maybe it’s the generation gap that is befuddling me. Help me understand, please. E.


    1. Yes! Let me see if I can explain it better. For me, I was so good at accepting the fact that bad things happen to everyone, that I wasn’t honest with myself about the state of my own heart and life. I would look at others circumstances and say “well because *blank* hasn’t happened to me, I have no room to be anything but happy.” But that isn’t a healthy way of experiencing life and it was preventing me from being honest with myself and in turn it was preventing me from knowing true intimacy with God.

      It is true that we all have different stories and experiences but I know for myself and the way I am wired, I had to get to a point where I let myself say “I have trauma too (it is different than others, but just as real) and I need to properly grieve that and experience the joy that comes with expressing these emotions”

      I learned through this process so much about emotions and the role that they play in our overall health and how Jesus was such a great example of someone who did not suppress His emotions but rather lived them out for us to experience them with Him.

      I am definitely not an expert on this and I hope that made sense. I have more blog posts coming about different aspects of my journey. This one is just a quick overview of the foundational step of my admitting I need help. 🙂


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